Here it comes again... I have these moody spells coming on more often lately.
I think things are just coming to a head what with turning 18 and everything. Turning 17 seemed big but 18 seems massive.
I don't know what to do with my life.
I wish I could shake this feeling of being a jerk all the time.
I'm too quiet... It seems like people want more out of me but I never can think of anything to say.
What's the point of life?? I know what you would say for what's the MEANING of life, but what the heck is the point? I mean, I like being alive and everything, but it seems like the things that people fill their lives with are so ridiculously petty and stupid. A full schedule does not mean you have a full life.
I feel like I should apologise for my last post. Even though it was lighthearted and I know I wasn't really mocking the people described in it, I just met them and haven't really even given them a fair chance yet... so in about a month I can make fun of them but right now it seems more like I'm serious (and judgemental)
My sense of humour is pretty brutal though, I think stereotypes, really serious horrible situations and racial jokes are the funniest things in the world. It's not like I actually mean any of those things when I'm laughing at them, in fact I don't know why I think they're funny. I think it's a sort of deranged, maniacal laughter. Like my mum has been talking about some people we know who pretty much base their lives on finances, and who have recently been losing a lot of money because of you-know-what, and I just couldn't hold in laughing. I thought it was absolutely hilarious that they were losing tons of money. That's a pretty dark sense of humour.
I think that right now I just have an obsessive paranoia of putting value on valueless things.
Colour of skin, pride in where you come from (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just a bad thing to not be able to take a joke), and banks, governments, taxes and the American dream are all basically really meaningless things. So I just have a really hard time not laughing when people put such ridiculous amounts of faith in faulty ground.
Ugh... what does matter, though... (rhetorical question)
I seem to put all of my faith in music.
It's not like people are going to stop making it at least.
It's not exactly an unshakable tower though
I heard somewhere that physicists found that the smallest matter in creation was sound
that's probably BS
but it's cool to think that my favourite thing in the world is what the world was made out of all along
again, probably a load o' crap
punctuation is overrated
no wait
No it's not.
I like it when people speak and write good English.
Ugh, what am I talking about?? Lazy speech really annoys me, of course I love good English!
So now I'm pretty much just typing whatever comes to mind
Sometimes I'll be staring and my mum will ask me, "What are you thinking about?", and I'll usually say "Nothing"... but I'm always thinking about something
I think so much I don't even know what I believe.
That's why I like to single stuff out and get to the roots of it
This post is probably so long now that half of you will take a look at how long it is and go back to facebook
The other half of you got this far and are currently reading this sentence.
Oh yeah, and sorry that you need a google account to comment.
I would still really love for you to say something to me on facebook though.
OK peace
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5 comments:
Alex, I'm sorry that all you have is me.
You won't have to have a google account to comment if you'll just allow anonymous comments.
Keep thinking and occasionally puke out the thoughts here.
You know what life is all about. Dying.
To self that is.
It's not bad to be concerned about what truly is valuable, but endeavor always to judge not those who have misplaced values (or appear to you to have misplaced values).
Wow, that's pretty sound. And I told you I would read your blog, so there you go. I was once struggling with the whole point of life, and I found that Ecclesiastes is a realy good place to start, as it's Solomon pondering exactly that.
Anywho, that's my wisdom for the day.
Ben
Ecclesiastes is a good place to start! I would recomment it too...I like the way you've written this post. It's like you're talking to yourself, in your mind...when you ask questions or make a statement and then respond to it...I think that's pretty neat, especially because I talk to myself a lot in my mind...o, and i totally make racist jokes all the time, you'd think that kids in an international school wouldn't but it's like it almost made it ok because we all knew no one actuallly meant it...you live in a consistently international environment too, so maybe the notion of racism just becomes so ridiculous that you could never actually mean it...anywho! looking forward to your next blog! :)
These blogs are beautiful. Beautiful.
When I was younger, I had the strange idea that my life would end, I would fall of the earth and cease to exists when I turned 18. I thought I had to do everything I wanted to do before I became an "adult". I'm 19 now, almost 20 and so far life is just getting better. Life is about getting to know God. One of my favorite quotes is "The chief end of man is to know God and glorify Him forever"
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